again?

we are yet again in that time of seasonal transition and i fear that i have taken for granted my favorite seasons of the year. for as i speak, i am looking out the window at the glaring sun and wishing that it was once again october, the month that marks the beginning of the 6 month stretch of weather that i hold so dear. the rain, the snow, the wind, the absolute disregard for sunglasses and sunscreen. but those months have come to an end and now i dread the impending five. but it is starting, and there is nothing i can do except buy some sunglasses and trudge along.

lie la lie

its daunting to think of everything i don't know.

its equally daunting to think of everything i know and wish i didn't.

bob seger once said, "wish i didn't know now what i didn't know then."
oh, bob. how right you are.

i'm learning a lot about myself recently.

i want life to reflect what i see in movies. this desire only ever makes everything that actually does happen a disappointment. i've been so affected and tainted by movies, books, television, the general media, that i want my life, and the world around me to be some big fairytale. but it just isn't. and that is surprisingly disappointing and hard for me to accept.

there is just so much that i don't understand, and i don't like that.

i'm fascinated by love. it absolutely 100% boggles my mind. i want to know everything about why people love who they do, how they show love, and why love never seems to be enough. the craving for human connection, whether it be in the form of relationships or friendships, is so base and fundamental, yet is absolutely the most complicated aspect of our lives.

a friend said something that really hit me yesterday. she said, "it is really difficult to realize that i have to call home in order to talk to someone who really cares about what is going on in my life." that statement was so heartbreaking but so accurate to so many of us. i was thinking about this, and i realized that i don't have someone that i can cry with and tell everything to. i just don't have that person. honestly, i haven't needed that yet in my life, but when the time comes, i would like to know that that person exists.

another friend told me about the healing powers of simon & garfunkel. i've begun to appreciate them.

Asking only workman's wages
I come looking for a job
But I get no offers
Just a come on from the whores on seventh avenue
I do declare there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there
La la la la la la la
Lie la lie