cb

4/19/94 - 9/15/2010

and i'm shown once again that life is precious; fleeting.

cody botten had it all. an amazing family, great friends, unbelievable talent in so many areas, good looks, and a seemingly unfailing passion for life. the "what ifs" can easily surround and drown us. what if i told him one more time that i loved him? what if he believed me? what if we showed him how much he had to live for? what if i was nicer to him that one day? what if he didn't think those thoughts that were invisibly consuming him, while the rest of us stood on in complete ignorance?

for some reason, it wasn't enough for him, this life. or maybe it was just too much for him. his motives will forever remain unknown while the "why"s and "what if"s of life consume the ones he left behind.

was his pain so intense that he couldn't see the enormous amount of love that so many people had for him? if he didn't see it then, he can damn sure see it now. but now, its too late. he is up with god, shooting hoops with dennis. he can see the packed gym that was the place of his memorial. he can see the tears that were shed from the first moment to the last. he can see the amount of people whose lives that he touched in the many moments he had here on earth. would he take his decision back if he knew the outcome? would he see the pain that his death has caused so many and realize that he was so incredibly loved? would he see what i saw? anthony brilliantly and strongly speaking about his last encounter with his best friend? his dad completely breaking down and his brothers falling apart when the pictures began?

i have been to more funerals and memorials than i would have ever cared to. nothing has moved me more than this one. cody was beautiful. seemingly happy. his smile was so bright; one of those smiles that reached his eyes and lit up the room. the love that he had for his brothers was intense and palpable. the love that surrounded his family is a once-in-a-lifetime love. now his family is broken; reeling.

i would hope that we learn something from this tragedy. it kills me that cody's life is diminished to a lesson. he had so many other things to learn and to teach, but his life taught us to love deeply and fiercely. to show others how much they mean to us. to not take life for granted. to play hard and love hard. to value family and surround yourself with the ones you love. cody's death taught us how to live.

i know that his pain is gone now. his human struggles have been taken away by his creator. he believed deeply in the love and grace of jesus. now they are reunited, and cody is more beautiful now than he ever was in life, which is almost unthinkable.

cody - you were so loved. maybe you didn't know this that night, but i know you know it now. i loved watching you play basketball, mr. hustle. :) i know that i will see you again, and i know that you will undoubtedly be the most skilled basketball player on heaven's team.